Urhum.
Cathaj happens to be in such a dilemma, far more in magnitude compared to his previous one. An issue that can seriously change his life forever, as if not dramatizing enough; from the way he will live his life probably about 60 years down the road before he kicks the bucket, to how people will now look and think of him in his journey to kick the bucket, both good and bad. But to many, Cathaj thinks it will be bad.
Yes, this is about K.
As Cathaj deliberately pens down his blog post while leaving his Restaurant City in high hopes to achieve a bigger premise, he scans through his brains and thought pertaining to the issue being written. Enough of internet references. They are not people whom he know of personally. Having decided that, feedback from Cathaj's friends is imperative as they're the ones closer to him.
So happen people seem to ask him about it first instead of the other way around. Mr. W brought up the topic while we were just around somewhere. Hmm, most likely he was spurred by something in the moment but never mind. First of all, Mr. W isn't must a talker in this issue, as far as he is concerned, but good to know he still understands Cathaj. Cathaj basically told him what he recently found out a few days ago; Mr. W replied with 'Oh?'s' and 'Ahh's, maybe not so inquisitive about it since it's sensitive and all. It was something common in our conversations anyway, so Cathaj understands. Mr. W, since we're along the line of the topic about relationships, talked about his own share of experience. My my, was Cathaj amazed. He probably have not seen Mr. W so serious about something that he thinks is not serious about, but he is anyway, after having a failed one last time. It was quite interesting to hear him talk about these things. because he was really serious about it. Cathaj chuckled at his seriousness.
After his own story, Cathaj ask Mr. W a question about being honest to K. As Mr. W is iconcerned, it wasn't really the right question to ask him, let alone give an appropriate answer to Cathaj's question. Mr. W answer anyway, telling Cathaj to weight out what are the possible effects and repurcussions if he does it. The point is, that's what Cathaj has been doing all this while and he still is stuck in some dead end. But still he appreciates his answer, as it was honest from him. 'Just pray about it. Don't worry.' Hmmm, Cathaj wished he could just live by that quote, if it was that simple.
Mr. Y, however, gave Cathaj a few cautions and things that he should be more careful in. As I know of it, there has been suspicions going around here and there. Actually, Cathaj knows of it all, but as far as he is concerned, it's all hearsay. Mr. Y gave an open answer, saying that the choice is up to Cathaj himself. In whatever decisions, all Cathaj needs is the confidence of actually doing it and whether he can handle the possible damages that follow later. But as of now, he advised not to do anything more than ordinary. Unless Cathaj wished to fuel the fire utnil he's burnt with the scorch of society's perception. Interestingly, this was a follow up of a story which is quite related to this which Mr. Y told him about. It's interesting how K's appeal could reach overseas. Funny story, anyway.
Mr. X, on the other hand, was commited to see change in Cathaj. Cathaj was just obliging his efforts and thoughts, to be honest here. But that doesn't really mean he was absent of any hint of becoming different from what he is now. Both of them seemed to have debated this issues many times, in the internet, in school, emails, every other nook and cranny you could possibly think of. Cathaj empathised with Mr. X like seriously, but he just don't feel the need to respond to what he's been saying. Maybe it isn't time yet. Maybe he just couldn't. Maybe it's just him. Hmmmm, so many possibilities, how to analyse them one by one? Sheesh, it's just so confusing. Because of Mr. X, Cathaj just popped in a whole lotta questions filled with maybe's, but apparently the defininte answer is yet to be found. But it was interesting though, to see how determined and passionate someone is to something, that maybe we're supposed to do something, but end up with nothing.
And so yes, Cathaj has made a final decisions. In full awareness right now, as long as his mind and heart permits him, nothing will be said and done in order to not play up speculations and nonsense around. But that doesn't mean Cathaj is not doing it; he's just holding it back now. He has come to understand his current situation now and it would be unwise to have a big issue like this being spread and blown into proportions. The mental and psychological pain will be too hard to bear, what more with more important things ahead to attend to. It's just until sometime the end of the year, when everything's is done and over with. Then maybe they can have a chat over a dinner or whatever that's suitable and Cathaj will explain the whole 5-year long issue in great detail. He can only hope and pray for understanding and nothing more when that eventful day comes.
Until then, it's business as usual but toned down a bit for Cathaj. In the meantime, he is hunting for those people who has nothing better to do but just picking on people's personal life. You better watch out.
